What brought us together

I no longer recall

but at this point

does it really matter?

I won't call it fate

but this wasn't mere chance

now that you're in my life

everything falls into place

it's an organized chaos

but I'm not complaining

you give me something

to look forward to...

hearing your voice

and the way you make me laugh

a racing heart

pounding in my chest

when I see your face

but I can feel this distance

these invisible walls

that separate us

I wonder if it's worth it

for how uncertain life is

I know all too well

still I long to break

these impossible odds

these impenetrable walls

just to feel your arms

embracing me in warmth

time is my captor

the roadways a chain

but hope is my anchor

and love my escape

so I hold to them tightly

awaiting my release

and the freedom

to run to you

© Ashlee Nix 2010

College. You’ve all heard the glamorous stories. Stories about growing, independence, enlightenment, freedom of expression, and endless parties. Sounds great right?

  Are you really serious about graduating? You know, I looked up the graduation rate for my college. 15%. Seriously? Only 15% of students who attend graduate? Really? What is the point of going to college if not to graduate? Now don’t get me wrong, these are tough times. Many of us are feeling the strain of increased expenses, and college fees and tuition are going up every semester. Some people find they can’t afford to stay in college. Even someone like me with scholarships and grants has to shell out hundreds every semester for tuition and books alone. And my college is relatively cheap. For those of us who stick with it, it’s a LONG journey. Sure it goes by fast, but it seems to take forever at the same time. It’s hard to believe I’m starting my 5^th year of college. No, it’s for a 4-year degree. That’s another woe of the serious college student – credits that won’t transfer and scheduling conflicts make it near impossible to graduate within 4 years. Not to mention that every professor acts like their class is the only one you are taking, and that you actually have time to read that 30 page assignment amongst your 5 other classes, working part-time, or taking care of a family. Yeah, whatever. Just don’t even get me started. Because I’m not here to rant, I’m here to help you: current or prospective college student! So here it is, my realistic guide to surviving college. Based on personal experience. Trust a pro!

  #1 – Do your best, but accept that your best may not always be A+ work.

            I’ve always been an A-B student, even through my college career. But don’t let getting a

            C for a class devastate you. C is average. C is passing. If you drive yourself mad trying to

            Get a perfect score in ever class, that’s the only thing you’ll do, drive yourself mad. So

            Just do the best you can, and don’t be upset if that’s not an A. Trust me, having a couple

            Of C’s isn’t going to destroy your 3.5 GPA. So don’t stress!

#2 – Learn how you study best.

            Things that have helped me:

-          Study where you won’t have distractions. I find the campus/local library to be a haven. Find an area away from the computers (unless you’re doing research), TURN OFF your cell phone, and get focused.

-          Flashcards. I don’t mean an endless stack. But they’re great for focusing on fast facts and vocabulary, and seem less daunting than sifting through a textbook or notebook.

-          Sticky note/tabs and highlighters are your best friend.

-          Some music in the background helps me study, but some people may not study well with music.

#3 – Get organized!

            Maybe it’s because of my OCD tendencies, but I can’t stand when people have one

            massive notebook for 5 subjects, papers falling out everywhere, zero organization.

-          Have a binder for each subject, and make use of tabs and folders within the binder to keep things organized. Label each binder uniquely so you don’t get them confused.

-          For your own sake, use some kind of organizer. I find using a wall calendar and a small spiral notebook to be sufficient. Write big deadlines and appointments on the calendar. In my planning notebook, I use a page to write down all my assignments for that week, and any ongoing projects. Write down even 5 minute assignments. Scratch them out when you finish. Makes you feel good to mark something off the list as done, and makes all those assignments you have seem less overwhelming. Example:

o       Week of __________

English: ………….

Math: ……………

Health: …………..

Etc. ………………

#4 – DO NOT PROCRASTINATE!

            It really is true what they say about procrastination. (If you don’t know the saying, too

            Bad.) If you fall into the habit of procrastination, it’s almost impossible to break free. I

            Promise myself every semester that I will not procrastinate. 8 semesters later… Take it

            From me. I learned the hard way. One day procrastination is going to sink its razor sharp

            Teeth into your buttocks, and you’ll wish you had died. So again, I repeat, DO NOT

            PROCRASTINATE. This leads us to rule #5.

#5 – Avoid Cramming.

            Unless you have a computer brain, cramming for a test the night before or walking into

            Class will do you no good, contrary to popular belief. Make time to study appropriately,

            And you’ll walk into that test cool as a cucumber.

#6 – Don’t be afraid to talk to your professors.

            Except for one or two mean, blockhead professors, most of your professors will be happy

            to talk to you and give you some tips. So get to know them! Some of them will give

            really helpful advice that you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

#7 – Have some study buddies.

            There’s not a worse feeling than being totally LOST and not wanting to admit it! Make 2

            or 3 friends in every class early in the semester. Exchange contacts. That way you’ll have

            someone to call if you’re lost, stuck, or need someone to rant to about that ridiculous

            assignment.

#8 – Buy textbooks online.

            I can’t express how much the bookstore is ripping you off. You can save up p 75% on

            textbooks when used books online. Even buying new books online can be cheaper than

used books at the books store. Plus, you can sell them online when the book stores won’t

buy them back.

#9 – Other Economic Advice:

            As college students, we are (usually) by definition, broke. Here’s a few tips to save some

            dough.

-          While it may not be an appealing option, live at home. If you’re attending a college locally and have the choice, living at home with the parents saves a ton on rent and food expenses. Nothing like a home-cooked meal after class.

-          If you’re gonna be out all day, bring a lunch. A healthier and cheaper alternative to eating out every day.

-          Bring snacks! Do you have any idea how much money you’re wasting on that vending machine? If you’re into the chips, candy, and energy drinks or sodas, buy in bulk at a club store like SAMS. You’ll save a buttload of cash. And bringing healthier snacks (like those 100 calorie packs) can help you avoid gaining the Freshmen 10.

-          Shop clearance racks and thrift stores.

-          Read those weekly college newsletters. They often present information on free activities like concerts and sporting events. My school offers free pizza and waffle midnights, and free ice cream once a month. Campus festivals often feature free food. College students love the word FREE.

#10 – MAKE time for yourself.

            This is perhaps the most important rule. “What does she mean make time?” Yes, that’s

            exactly what I mean. Didn’t you read the title? This is the REALISTIC survival guide.

            Contrary to popular belief, college isn’t all about endless parties and all that stuff. If

            you’re serious about getting an education, you have little free time. You have to make it.

            Make yourself put down the books for a few hours and go see that movie with the peeps,

            grab a drink at a party, or do some shopping. Trust me, if you don’t take out some time to

            chill out with some friends, you will go crazy. At the very least, take a little time each

            day for yourself. I don’t care what my day holds, I take an hour before bed to de-stress.

            My routine often includes a hot cup of tea or cocoa, or a cold mikes lemonade, a bit of

            reading, a bit of writing, or just catching up on a favorite TV show or calling a friend on

            the phone. Sometimes I just chill out to some music. Whatever you do, whenever you do

            it, MAKE time to do something for yourself and step away from the stress of everything

            else.     Or trust me, you WILL go crazy, get overwhelmed, and get depressed.

So that’s it, my guide to surviving college. Living by these rules has sure helped me! I hope you’re one of the lucky ones who gets to party every night and walk out with a great education. But if you’re like me, the average college student, I hope this guide helps you get to graduation day with your sanity in tact. I’ll be graduating next May. Hope to see you there, class of 2011!

May the force be with you.

I hate feeling this way. Empty. Alone. Lost. I pretend not to know why... but I can't ignore it. Facing the monster is the only way to defeat it and claim my victory.

I think I've done it this time. I'm really over you. And my heart is breaking with the realization, with my finally coming to terms with the truth, and accepting it. I'm over you. And I have no idea now what to do with myself.

But what does that even mean? To be "over" someone? Can anyone ever really be over someone? Forget every single day you spent caring for them, every moment spent together, so close yet so far? What does it mean? Does it mean you no longer laugh or smile at the memories, or that you never see their face and wonder if it could have worked out? Does it mean cringing when you dream of them, or never pondering what made you care for them in the first place? Does it mean you'll never miss it? The way you felt when you locked eyes, exhanged smiles, or shared an inside joke? Does it mean you'll never think twice about moving on?

I don't think so. Because we are human. We are selfish. We care about what makes us happy. And they did...at some point you realize that they will always be a part of you, however small. Because they made you smile. They made you laugh. They made you feel alive. Nothing can erase memories. But there is nothing wrong with that. Because some days, memories are the only thing you have, the only thing to keep you warm. So you pull them out, like old letters and photographs. You cherish every single one.

And you put them away.

Because as wonderful as those memories were, those were the rainbows. The rare and fleeting moments of pure joy and bliss...disappearing quickly as they came. Transparent, and fading. Then you're trapped again in the storm. And you remember all the countless nights you prayed for them to see, to understand what they were doing to you, how you felt. All the nights you cried yourself to sleep, trying to bury the pain of being invisible, trying to convince yourself that if you waited long enough, all those dreams you had would come true. You went on and on, lyring to yourself each day.

Until you had enough. Finally, one day the sky opened up, and you wonder why you let yourself live in the storm for so long. You realize you're tired of being pelted by hailstones of empty hopes and the promises that were never spoken. Tired of being tossed around between desperation and blind commitment. Tired of being ignored. You realize that all this time you've been fooling yourself, lying to yourself. And you realized that you should have, could have moved on a long time ago.

You realize that you deserve more than being a dog, loyally begging for scraps of attention and affection.

You deserve to be happy.

And that's when you realize that you're over them. When you can see the whole picture, and see that they weren't it. They were only a piece. That piece you had forced to fit with the others, when it never really did. And you understand, that just because this piece isn't the one that completes everything, it doesn't mean it's not important. It's still a part of the puzzle. It just might take some time to figure out where it goes.

That's when you know you've moved on. When you accept that this person is a part of your life, and that they have their place... but in the past.

And that some day, you'll find that missing puzzle piece. The person you've been waiting for. The person who has been searching...

for you.